@inmysocks @SuzanEraslan I've never really paid attention to Pride month--parades are panic-attack-city. But this makes sense to me.

@jessmahler @inmysocks Yeah, I actually hate parades with every fiber of my being, but I do like parties, so pride still has been a big thing in my life on and off for most of my conscious life (I'm 37 and went to my first, 20 person pride parade in my small, Southern hometown when I was 15). I just feel like there's some kind of weird backlash now that so many people are coming out as queer that the Oppression Olympics have kicked in.

@erinbee Ooooh, this is a really good comment, and it's definitely something I've been guilty of doing (being in a het appearing relationship myself, and not wanting my cis-dude partner going to pride with me for exactly this reason). I think my issue is that I've had a LOT of straight dudes come to pride to hit on me and other bi women, because they think it's shooting fish in a barrel, so I kind of want none of it there.

@erinbee But it's a really good point that pride should focus on being more inclusive with an emphasis on privilege check than "DON'T COME AT ALL, STRAIGHTS."

@SuzanEraslan There's been stuff policing femme/masc (genderqueer, trans, etc) couples, and ace/aro people too and I'm super over it. Yes, a strictly enforced heterosexual binary hurts everyone but queering that binary in a way that is true to oneself and their relationships is still rejection of it.

@erinbee I've heard from a LOT of people that ace/aro people are getting the "you're not *really* queer" treatment lately, and I am really upset about this. I haven't seen anyone actually do it, but I'm just waiting for someone to start with that so I can take them to task for it. Like, how can you even have that perspective that it's not a legitimate part of the struggle?

@SuzanEraslan The ace aro thing is so frustrating because there are so many other LGBT+ people who are more willing to accept the A for Ally.

@SuzanEraslan
Part of what makes the aro part so complex is that it can be intersectional with cisgender heterosexuality, and that's a tough spot of knowing when to call-in (not call-out) and how to say "Our experiences are different but I am your ally in protecting your right to form fulfilling relationships without harrasment."

@erinbee Yeah, I feel like the qualifications for being a part of the big tent should literally just be:

Does the way that you do or do not want to have sex and/or partnered relationships dovetail from the cisheteronormative model?

Yes?

Cool, you're in! Now, let's talk about how presentation may make you more or less privileged than others under the tent, and how you can make sure to make more space for those who have it rougher!

@hollyamory That's a really good point-- the dominant culture seems really able to wrap its head around gay because it's just, you know, a specific singular gender preference, so it's not as threatening as "OMG, what if this was just not a part of someone's attractiveness requirement profile?! That makes no sense to me!"

@SuzanEraslan
Yep. Also bis are threatening to the idea some cishets have that "the gays are over there in a parallel world" (tbf some cisgay think the same in reverse) and we are a risk to that barrier because we'll date anyone.

(Or at least they think we'll date anyone, hopefully we don't date the biphobic ones!)

@hollyamory I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and how the gay culture I grew up in was among baby boomer and even older gays-- my grandfather was gay, and out since the 70s, so we had a lot of gay "family" and he had several businesses (restaurant, hair salons, night clubs, real estate, etc.) and employed trans people as far back as the 80s.

@hollyamory They had a lot less hangups surrounding bi and trans people, and I think part of it was that the fight for being queer wasn't about showing straight people how we were "Just Like You!" and just "normal" people with spouses and 2.3 kids and a dog in a ranch house in the suburbs. The marriage equality movement really made it so that presenting as cishomo-normal-ative was a priority for rights, and I hate that.

@hollyamory I always explain it to people like, "Do you care about whether your partner's thighs are longer than their calves? Oh, you've never even thought about it? Well, that's the way I feel about gender!"

@SuzanEraslan
Awesome. Also I love "attractiveness requirement profile" as a name for that thing. 💜