@SuzanEraslan

I really miss the old BBS days!

@Averly Right? Like, you know, sometimes I want to just talk to my friends about one thing without telling them not to talk about other things. It was so good and pure.

@SuzanEraslan

YES!
Everyone was willing and embraced each other with open arms regardless of intent. It was like a utopia of pioneers striving for the best in themselves and others.

Ahhhh 😘

I was a bi, nerdy kid who sang in choir and loved theatre and dabbled in HTML and writing poetry, undiagnosed with ADHD, and flirting with a whole host of self-destructive behaviors. The fact that I had an escape into the internet, with friends as far away as Adelaide Australia, so someone was always awake in my chat haven, quite literally saved my life. Later, there would be forums and IRC channels.

And I mean, this was the 90s! You could really easily go entire days not knowing anything about the news, or the tragedies that governments were forcing people to play, or whatever. You could stay off the “Off Topic” section of the forum and immerse yourself in talking about all the Sandman allusions in Tori Amos songs with people who wouldn’t roll your eyes at you and feel better for a damn minute.

We didn’t even need it as much as we probably need it now. We didn’t know every horrible thing that was happening in the world the second that it happened, before the news agencies even picked it up. We got news three times a day— the paper in the morning, the six o’clock news, and the eleven o’clock news. If you didn’t want to read it or watch it, it didn’t impede your social interactions.

Social media has largely destroyed those outlets, as everyone has their profile on a place where they talk about everything, and are expected to be their whole, authentic, or at least “branded” self, and that’s not only not sustainable, it’s NOT HOW WE INTERACT IN “REAL LIFE.” You are not the same parts of yourself with everyone you know. And that’s not only ok, that’s GOOD AND RIGHT.

When people fled these places to be on MySpace and Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and, now, Mastodon, those places died. Even if they’re still up, even if they’re still “functioning” to an extent, a community can’t survive on the occasional post from the occasional passerby. They became a receptacle of static knowledge, instead of a salon of like minded people seeking comfort and joy.

I think that it is totally acceptable and alright to be at a point where even the mention of distressing or triggering topics is too much. I think when that happens, you should get off of social media for awhile until you’re stronger and better, instead of telling people who are doing their due diligence to protect you to stop talking.

But I also recognize that there are still people in the world who, without online social interaction, would be distressingly and even dangerously alone in their physical spaces, and that they need a space in their lives where they can be safe, carefree, and supported, even if that space isn’t material. And I just don’t know where that can be, anymore.

I’m sorry I have no answers. I wish I did.

Oh, postscript— in before someone says Reddit is still out there fulfilling the self-selecting, topic oriented niche. No. Nope. Nuh uh. Reddit’s up and down vote system negates the organic flow of conversation that enables people’s actual personalities to come through and build friendships that extend beyond having the pithiest (or evilest) comment. There’s no coffee shop conversation possible there.

Oh, and post postscript, excuse the 8 billion typos and left out words here, but we’re all able to intuit what I’m getting at, right? And if not, just ask. I’m happy to clarify. 💖

@SuzanEraslan greetings fellow "i miss the time before social media" person. good posts

@Xkeeper It all seemed so much more social, then.

@SuzanEraslan - great thread and thoughts!

@SuzanEraslan yes all of this yes. I grew up on forums and chat rooms like you did. These days I am here and I have created discord server with friends to just talk.

@SuzanEraslan i actually think we shouldn't use social media - with my anxiety disorder, i can't take facebook and twitter

@dirtycommo ...but you’re on a social media platform right now. Or do CWs actual alleviate the difficulty of navigating these things for you?

@SuzanEraslan i think i'm gonna leave, to be honest

@dirtycommo That makes sense. I think you should absolutely do what’s best for you.

@SuzanEraslan Thank you for this thread. You’re a thoughtful and awesome person and I’m glad to have met you.

I wonder if self-creating spaces (such as text chats, some tech that isn’t invaded by others’ posts) with fewer, but stronger relationships could help. It takes effort to establish and won’t always stick but the ones I cultivate are invaluable.

@SuzanEraslan These relationships take effort to maintain, too. One has to remember to check in and spend time listening and responding; one can’t just sign in and see what’s going on. But they are not only safe spaces, but can be deep and highly mutually rewarding as well.

@zigg First of all, same! I always meet great people on social media platforms, but more and more I feel that the cycle from "awesome clubhouse for the queer weirdos" to "expansive space dedicated predominantly to cishet white male supremacy" is faster and faster, and those cultivations can take months to a year to make, and not everyone shows up at the outset, you know?

@xenthreaded Yes! That is so frustrating, because there need to be spaces that are exclusive in good ways, the same way that we don't allow all of our friendships and relationships to overlap in an organic social network (meaning our personal ones, not the ones on servers). I don't mix all my friends, family, and acquaintances with each other indiscriminately, you know? No one does, and we shouldn't.

@SuzanEraslan @xenthreaded One thing that I think could help some with the Fediverse is... you can actually create a topical community, and splitting your activity is encouraged.

You're still going to pull things in from outside if you're federated, but you can always set policies on what gets discussed and boosted from that instance, to keep everyone on-topic.

@SuzanEraslan @xenthreaded Myself, even though no such policy exists on cathoderay.tube, I stick to discussing retro stuff from there, using this account as my main account (where I discuss everything else).

I'm not going to say that my account over there is politics-free, for example, but if it's discussed, it's exclusively in the context of retro technology.

@bhtooefr @xenthreaded I think this is a great idea, but one of the frustrating things that our Federation Dad has refused to implement is instance only posts, which I think would help tremendously.