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The greatest lesson I’ve learned in my life is that when I’ve said something to offend or hurt someone, even if it’s unintentional, to just apologize, the same way that if I accidentally stepped on your toe I would automatically say, “Oh, I’m sorry! Are you ok?”

(Rather than, “That wasn’t my intention and I didn’t do it on purpose, so you can’t be hurt. Your foot is feeling things that aren’t there! The pain isn’t real because I’m not a foot stepper! *That* person’s foot doesn’t hurt!”)

The vast majority of times people aren’t intending to hurt you, but the way they react to being told you were hurt says a lot about them and whether or not you should keep them around.

@SuzanEraslan I knew a trans woman who had a good friend from high school who said he didn't agree with her decision, but he still wanted to be her friend.

She cut him off. I was like, "Why? People disagree on things; even fundamental life things. But if you cut off everyone who agrees with you, then no one challenges you, you build and echo chamber and you close your mind. It's much more difficult to always try and see and learn how other people see the world."

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@SuzanEraslan The problem I have is when, instead of saying "ow, you stepped on my toe!" someone says "You stepped on my toe! Obviously it was on purpose and you'll be happy to know I'll be in pain for days or weeks, now,"

I am (slowly) learning to just walk away in these situations, but it's hard when someone is telling me how I feel.

@SuzanEraslan It's such a simple way to go about your life, too. I wish more people could be like this.

@InvaderXan It really is. Once someone taught me this and I just started doing it, a lot of fear and anxiety dropped out of my life because I wasn’t constantly worried about defending myself in every part of my life and had more energy to direct elsewhere... and more comrades with which to do things.

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