@jessmahler Now *that* is some helpful advice. ❤️

@dumpling Thank you! I just need to keep reminding myself that it will be over in 22 days.

@SuzanEraslan And after that you might be able to celebrate your freedom from the planning exactly as you like!

@pmosetc No, it’s ok! You actually said something that made me feel better.

@SuzanEraslan I'm glad!

Yeah, I got really tired of people telling me how I should feel and what I should want and talking about my nerves. 🙄

I'm complaining because I am stressed out and I am about the last person on earth who should have to take on something like this, no matter how low key it is by comparison to other people's weddings. I have serious ADHD, am a freelancer, and trying to schedule the time and the spoons to deal with this is like dumping my silverware drawer in the floor every morning.

@SuzanEraslan But you *want* to do it, right?

@saper I want to be married. I don't want to *get* married. If that makes sense?

@SuzanEraslan Kind of ;) So I think you are not in a bad situation. There are people who want to "get" married, and things after that need to somehow work out. I was just baffled by this insurance thing!

In that case, seems like some good logistic support and a sane friend might help.

@saper I mean, I don't want to be married in the philosophical sense-- I hate the concept of marriage (a contract with the state that confirms the validity of one's partnership is BS), but I'm good with the choosing this person part. Were it not for the whole health insurance thing (hooray, American health care system) I wouldn't do it at all, but I love and enjoy my partner and had already, long ago, committed to this being a permanent thing.

@SuzanEraslan Having gone through my own lo these many years ago, I remember the stress all too well. But it'll have been worth it (I say that even as someone who eventually got divorced)

@filkerdave A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, awww, thanks, Dave. Yeah, I've actually heard this from a bunch of my divorced friends-- that the wedding itself was delightful, and that they really enjoyed it.

@SuzanEraslan Think of it as cooking. The prep sucks. Mise en place is tedious. Most of the cooking is dull. But at the end of it, you have an amazing meal that you enjoy.

And a little early, but I wish you and your partner every happiness on the day!

@filkerdave Oh, wow, this is the PERFECT metaphor for me. I love cooking, but the chopping and the washing grit out of leafy veggies and everything is the WORST.

@SuzanEraslan Glad to help brighten your day!

@SuzanEraslan Oh, I did not realise it was that soon! That makes some of my earlier comments even more unhelpful, I should not have assumed the context of a longer timeframe.

I hope everything that needs to goes smoothly for the next three weeks and one day.

@artsyhonker Thank you! Yeah, we actually dug in our heels as long as we could on "No, we're not doing anything" until the parental whining became so obnoxious that we were like, "FINE, you can come to City Hall and we will have a small party."

All the dangling offers "help out" before we finally signed contracts suddenly became much less significant when we were told an actual dollar amount, so we ended up pulling a contract at one place for another, cheaper one.

@artsyhonker Which will end up being more fun, but also meant that we literally sent out invitations, via email, exactly 4 weeks before the event. I still don't have a head count, and I told people they had until April 10th, but now I'm kicking myself for not being like, "Tell me tomorrow or don't come."

@SuzanEraslan Oof. And then, because you've already spent a bunch of money, it gets really hard to solve other problems by throwing money at them. So the planning is stressful and so is crapitalism, but crapitalism is part of why you are doing this to start with. I'd be stressed too.

@artsyhonker EXACTLY. Yes, this is it exactly. It's like, this was a choice we made in order to save money in the longterm-- my partner doesn't really care about marriage one way or the other and was resigned to the fact that I am staunchly against the concept of a contract with the state validating my partnership-- but now it's like, "Hey, all the $ you'll save on meds for the next 3-4 years? Yeah, get ready to spend it in a day!"