mental illness 

the best index for my mental health is to check how many slurs i use for myself in my head

we are currently rocking a solid two

vent 

this sucked and just made me feel worse. i'm probably just being a whiny dysphoric little bitch who just wants a fucking hug and is going on a tirade against herself just because. gonna go back to curling up around a pillow and either thinking horrible things about myself or just fantasizing about, like, being wanted

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vent 

i don't want it to seem like i sound ungrateful for the attention i DO get from my friends, because there is some, but like. i don't know. i try really hard to show i care and i feel like nobody else does, and i can't even blame them, because, like, fuck, i don't know EXACTLY what sets off the fucking weirdo alarm, but i could probably write up a list! i'm not going to, because even in this shitty faux emotional state i can tell that's just self-harm, but god do i fucking want to.

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vent 

nobody is ever really interested in, like, how i'm doing! nobody just checks in, unless i say something on social media that sets off the alarms, then a couple people will shoot me a message out of fucking pity. that sucks MORE. i don't want people to feel guilty for not talking to me, be it because of forgetfulness or just some quirk i have that makes talking to me just insufferable enough to be not worth saying hello. i just want to feel, like, loved by my friends? sometimes?

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vent 

it's my fault, i know that. if it weren't my fault it wouldn't keep fucking happening. if it weren't my fault i wouldn't have to keep trying harder and harder to stay relevant for the few people i THINK still give a shit. i just. god. what's wrong with me. i don't fucking know. what i do know is that it's such a rarity for any of my friends to message me before i message them that i'm always surprised when it happens; and, of course, when it does, it's always for a specific purpose.

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vent 

my self-worth is already really fucking shaky and i'm growing convinced that nobody has any real desire to talk to me in person, so i REALLY do not need this social isolation online, too. i'm constantly led to believe that i do not mean as much to others as they mean to me, and that fucking hurts. what about me is so undesirable? what about me makes me just a constant, someone who talks to you without you having to worry about, like, being a friend back.

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vent 

i know almost nobody in any of my online spheres follows me here, so this is probably the best space to do this.

nobody ever initiates conversation with me. this has been a problem my whole life but i just kind of recognized it's still happening. nobody ever asks to talk to me, or asks how i'm doing, or even really shows they give a shit unless they ask. it fucking sucks.

blaseball 

flowers rocking it inning 2, damn

birdsite 

trying to figure out why people will like gofundme tweets but not retweet them. like, are you saying that it matters, but not enough to signal boost? it's worse than doing nothing at all, because you're signalling that you've seen it, but don't actually do anything. like, i don't have any fundraisers myself, but when i see people only like my retweets instead of continuing to signal boost it pisses me the fuck off

rose boosted

fortnite bringing an antitrust suit against apple and google is a real "heartbreaking: worst person you know just made a great point" moment

rose boosted

[BOT POST] politics, probably gonna delete this 

my level 23 anarcho-syndicalist bard just gained a rank in women's rights
rose boosted

Me: FUCK THE FRENCH

Also me: I want to be perfectly fluent in French so I can tell them to fuck off more eloquently.

okay i might be blowing things out of proportion just a tiny bit. and by a tiny bit i mean an overwhelming amount. i'm stressed okay

entitledness, academia 

honestly the idea in academia that those with more degrees or papers or accolades should be given more respect is frankly an elitist one. like just because your efforts and struggles in life are things that provided you with concrete indicators of your effort does not make you better than anyone else. i work my ass off to get out of bed every morning but you don't see me demanding any extra respect for it. shove your dick back in your pants dude come on

college 

just a mind-blowing amount of detail provided from my professor. truly i am in awe at the sheer amount of information and data i have gathered on the current situation. it's not as if everyone except him has already come to the astounding conclusion that zoom is down. it's not as though mass emails have been sent detailing the issue. i like. dude how are you gonna be so snooty and self-centered in the syllabus and then drop this shit like we don't deserve a scrap of your time

today is really just not a day on which i can use twitter dot com

orwell, animal farm 

just read what was apparently a college-level essay on the homosexuality of boxer the horse from animal farm. did this instead of having class today, because zoom is down. what a world

uspol, You Know Who 

did not expect to see cheetoposting on this site so quickly, but i guess liberals are everywhere. haha, funny orange man bad. time to not think about the institutional problems endemic to this state and all others! elephant red team bad

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